When you’re at Mass, do you sometimes sneak a sidewise glance at someone near you, your mind wandering from the Liturgy to instead think about how this one is dressed, how that one looks, health-wise, and what’s going on with her hair? Oh, come on, I’m sure I’m not the only one. Hard as we try, we sometimes lose the battle to keep focused; we fight but lose the war against judging our neighbours. Most of the time it’s harmless mind rambling. It’s not gossip, we’re simply giving in to the chatter going on in our heads. With the smallest amount of effort, we can pull ourselves back to the Liturgy and our involvement in it.
I often make assumptions – about events, situations and, most especially people – and in my assumptions, I judge. This has tripped me up more times than I care to recount, but I must, otherwise I will never be able to move on; I will never be able to grow in charity and love. Our mind wanderings and assumptions can become dangerous, I think, when we step across the boundary of harmless rambling thoughts to observing how those around us pray and worship – and we judge. We have our way of doing things, and if others aren’t in alignment with us – we judge. This is not good for us and it’s certainly not good for our neighbour. This can lead to an unhealthy us vs them mentality, setting us off in the wrong direction.
The apostles, constantly ran up against division from the people they were striving to serve. Even amongst themselves, at times, they fought over one issue or another. It happens. But there are large issues and then there are small issues. How you pray, as opposed to how I pray; how you practice your faith in comparison to how I live mine, in my mind, is a small issue.
Based on St. Paul’s teachings, Marty Haugen’s beautiful hymn tells us, ‘We are many parts, we are all one body.’ A tapestry of woven threads that, in its entirety, in the light of the Liturgy, the Sacraments, the Body and Blood of Christ – we are woven into one baptized people. So you see? There’s no reason to judge. We are all gathered together for the very same reason – our faith. Let us extol our love for God in our love for one another, and let us be joyful!
Category: Patience
I am my mother’s daughter. My family will sometimes call me T. Way, when I sound or act like my dad – worrying about everything. But I am very much like my mother too. She had numerous admirable qualities, making the raising of seven children appear effortless. Unfortunately, those qualities I did not inherit.
If you were sick, in a household of nine, on a busy school morning, you got short shrift. Mother didn’t spend a lot of time fussing over you. In later years, when she got cancer, most of her friends didn’t know. Never knew about the weeks and weeks of radiation treatments. She continued going to meetings and offering to help on various committees. My sister Patti was truly mother’s daughter, working fulltime through her cancer treatments up until the last few months before she died.
These women taught me that sickness is not something to be pitied or rued. So what am I supposed to do with a man cold? Seriously, I grew up in an unsympathetic household in which sickness was no big deal. So, when my sweet, affable husband turns into a different being entirely, how am I supposed to react? It has always mystified me, for we have been here many times before.
All the day long, never stirring from the bed, then thrashing the sheets and blankets off at 3:00 in the morning, turning on lights, coughing and hacking his way to the bathroom, coming back and falling into bed, wheezing with ragged breaths, too exhausted to care or notice that all the lights have been left on. I get up, rearrange the sheets and blankets, and turn out the lights. Is this done in saintly fashion? Heavens no! It’s more than mild annoyance that propels me out of bed to set things straight. Then I lie there at 3:00 in the morning – wide awake and fuming.
What’s the lesson here? I know there’s a lesson to be learned. I know God is smiling, trying so hard not to laugh – at me…at us. My silent annoyance begins to fade and I too smile. One thing God has blessed me with and for which I am eternally grateful, is a healthy sense of humor. It has carried me through almost 40 years of marriage – and marriage, as we all know, can try the patience of a saint. Though, what saints have and what I sorely lack is patience. God tests me on this attribute (or lack thereof) often. It’s a daily struggle for me, though it is often an easier hurdle to overcome at any other time of the day.3:00 in the morning is really pushing it!
But, let’s look on the bright side – 3:00 am is an ideal time to have a chat with God, who will always calm us down and set us back on the right path. (And that path for me, to the relief of many, has never included a career in nursing.)
I know a guy who is quite involved with a drop-in centre in downtown Owen Sound. Recently he found himself embroiled in an argument with a neighbour of the centre. The neighbour, a Torontonian, having purchased the property next door and possibly unhappy with the neighbouring clientele, was not in a good mood. This guy I know kept calm and cool (on the outside), despite the berating he received.
“You are nobody,”the man shouted. “you have nothing, you own nothing, you are a loser!” He clearly hoped to incite a violent response, but my friend would not fall into his trap. It was, in fact, an opportunity to demonstrate to those who attend the centre, a non-violent response to conflict. When he told me about this incident later, he nearly shook with the memory of it, but I know he felt proud too – not for how he handled the situation, but for an entirely different reason.
When this guy goes down to the drop-in centre, he does not stand out, not in his attire, nor in his speech. He becomes as those he serves and they love that about him. Actually, more than half the people he meets there haven’t a clue he’s the chairman of the board of directors – he’s just one of the guys, which is obviously what the angry new neighbour thought…and that pleased my friend to no end.
We read in the gospel that we should not draw attention to ourselves…when we fast, when we pray…and how about when we serve others? I marvel at this man and how he lives his faith. He does it far better than I, but the good news is – with open eyes, minds and hearts, we can learn from each other, growing closer to God in the process.
Only during Holy Week do I ever really consider the circumstances of Jesus’ crucifixion. How could such a thing happen? If I had been there, surely I would not have been one with the crowd that shouted “Crucify him.” But would I have stood silent, for fear of what the crowd would do to me?
When my children were young, I would not let them use the word hate, it’s a bad word. “You may say, ‘I dislike intensely,’ but never say hate.” That being said, I hate crowds. There’s an energy and an influence that takes over, suddenly. In a flash, it is no longer a group of individuals, but a mob, of one mind – the mind and the influence of the leader(s) and violence and chaos can take over in a heartbeat.
The events that transpired in Charlottesville, Virginia, recently, filled me with sadness and dread. In addition to the events themselves, the way the president dealt with them and the way the United States has been divided by them, one can only worry.
It seems as if the world has turned upside down and inside out. Genocide is taking place in parts of our world; devastation from hurricanes, floods and earthquakes south of us; white supremacists are coming out of the woodwork; the leaders of North Korea and the United States have resorted to adolescent name-calling; and mass killings in Las Vegas. But, what has the president of the United States up in arms? A group of athletes ‘taking a knee’ in quiet, peaceful protest. What is this world coming to?
One can so easily become disheartened hearing, reading and watching these events unfold before our eyes. Several things keep me centered when I begin to feel weighed down by world atrocities: 1.) I truly believe these things have been going on since time immemorial, but technology now brings them to us instantly, sometimes we even see them happening live; 2.) I believe there is an equal amount of goodness in the world (which sadly, the media does not consider newsworthy); and 3.) I believe prayer can heal wounds and action can change lives.
We must remain positive and prayerful. But we cannot afford to remain silent in the light of injustice. Jesus did not tolerate injustice. He did not use violence; he did not berate the crowd, his means were always non-violent, but effective. We can follow Jesus’ lead. In our own way, in our own space, we can heal wounds, change lives, and instill hope – with love, positivity and prayer.
It never hurts to go over some aspects of our lives that periodically need review. Patience, is one of those areas in which, along the twists and turns of life’s journey, I am forever being tested. We’ve been a household without a dog for about three years now. My oldest sister once explained to me, ‘Freedom is when the kids have left home and the dog dies.’ Our boys were in their teens when she revealed this to me, and the dog was quite young…I had no concept of what she was talking about. Now, 17 years later, kid-free for over a decade and dog-free for three years – ah yes, freedom! Then – wait a minute, what? My husband is talking about getting a dog?!?
‘Let’s just go look at these puppies I saw advertised,’ says he. ‘Dirty pool,’ says I. The person who can say no to a tiny, innocent, adorable puppy has no heart! So we are now owners of a 10 week old English Springer Spaniel and that’s where the patience comes in – with the puppy…and with my husband.
I could explode with ‘I told you so,’ or, ‘This was not my idea,’ at least a dozen times a day. With patience, however, I manage to hold my tongue and only burst out with either of those lines a mere few times a week.
And I’m discovering that I don’t need to nag about watching the puppy every single minute she’s in my husband’s care, because she taught him that lesson all by herself, the time she was taking a nap, so he thought he could take a nap…and woke up to discover that he really must watch her every second she’s in his care – or kennel her.
My husband is not a morning person. I am. Does that mean it is my job to look after this pup in the morning, in lieu of my run – which keeps me sane? A discussion about this (preferably the night before as opposed to 6:45 am, when I’m wanting to bound out the door) is necessary – with calm explanation of expectations, not angry accusing words spoken to a foggy headed and groggy spouse who is not-a-morning-person. (And I thought life would get dull when the children left home!)
So yes, this area in my life needs more than the occasional review, clearly, constant daily attention to it is required. Perhaps we all have areas in our lives where fine-tuning is needed? Just remember, God has a sense of humour, so don’t lose yours, because everything is tolerable, if you can make your spouse laugh.