Category: Patience

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coping Faith family God Humor love Patience

Knocking on Heaven’s door

Lessons Learned

I am my mother’s daughter. My family will sometimes call me T. Way, when I sound or act like my father – worrying about everything. But I am very much like my mother too. She had numerous admirable qualities, making the raising of seven children appear effortless. Unfortunately, those qualities I did not inherit.

If you were sick, in a household of nine, on a busy school morning, you got short shrift. Mother didn’t spend a lot of time fussing over you. In later years, when she got cancer, most of her friends didn’t know. Never knew about the weeks and weeks of radiation treatments. She continued going to meetings and offering to help on various committees. My sister Patti was truly mother’s daughter, working fulltime through her cancer treatments up until the last few months before she died.

These women taught me that sickness is not something to be pitied or rued. So what am I supposed to do with a man cold? Seriously, I grew up in an unsympathetic household in which sickness was no big deal. So, when my sweet, affable husband turns into a different being entirely, how am I supposed to react? It has always mystified me, for we have been here many times before.

All the day long, never stirring from the bed, then thrashing the sheets and blankets off at 3:00 in the morning, turning on lights, coughing and hacking his way to the bathroom, coming back and falling into bed, wheezing with ragged breaths, too exhausted to care or notice that all the lights have been left on. I get up, rearrange the sheets and blankets, and turn out the lights. Is this done in saintly fashion? Heavens no! It’s more than mild annoyance that propels me out of bed to set things straight. Then I lie there at 3:00 in the morning – wide awake and fuming.

What’s the lesson here? I know there’s a lesson to be learned. I know God is smiling, trying so hard not to laugh – at me…at us. My silent annoyance begins to fade and I too smile. One thing God has blessed me with and for which I am eternally grateful, is a healthy sense of humor. It has carried me through 40-plus years of marriage – and marriage, as we all know, can try the patience of a saint. Though, what saints have and what I sorely lack is patience. God tests me on this attribute (or lack thereof) often. It’s a daily struggle for me, though it is often an easier hurdle to overcome at any other time of the day.3:00 in the morning is really pushing it!

But, let’s look on the bright side – 3:00 am is an ideal time to have a chat with God, who will always calm us down and set us back on the right path. (And that path for me, to the relief of many, has never included a career in nursing.)

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Faith family love Patience Social Action Social Awareness

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

What’s your story?        

For Mother’s Day I was given a gift by my family. Well, to be honest, I begged to be given this gift, acting like a little kid who had to have what her friend had gotten for her birthday. Storyworth is a gift of weekly questions. Each week you receive a question, sent by email and chosen by a member of your family. These questions come weekly for an entire year and at the end of it, your answers are compiled into a book for your family. The questions pertain to your life; some are fun and easy: What fads did you embrace growing up? Some really make you think: What is your favorite memory of your mother? …and some make you want to take serious stock of your life, like last week’s question: What is one of the most selfless things you have done in life?

The fact that your family members are posing the questions makes you feel, at times, as if you’re taking a test. An important grade hangs in the balance. Your answers should impart the wisdom of a life lived; and, most importantly for me – a life lived by faith. These answers pose an opportunity that we are not often given with our children and grandchildren, an opportunity to expound on those issues, beliefs and practices that have helped and guided us through our lives -.no eye-rolling, no talk-back, no walking away – they asked.

Back to last week’s question – though I did send in my response, I’m still pondering that one. I had to search long and hard for answers. Was I more selfish than selfless in my many years on this earth? Have I done enough in a selfless vein? Have I already done my most selfless thing, or is it yet to come? I don’t think we can live our lives believing we’ve accomplished our most selfless act – how do we grow, continue to care for and nurture this needy world if we’ve already been our most selfless?

Thought provoking and self-searching – I was the one who asked for this. Little did I realize where these questions would take me; searching my memory, recalling happy vignettes and not-so-pleasant experiences; much soul searching, coming up short at times, opening my eyes to more flaws than one would care to reveal. It’s a healthy practice, if you share with your family your honest look at the world and your place in it.

This is how I ended my answer to that soul-searching question: Life is made up of tiny, often going unnoticed, acts-of-love that we don’t even think twice about. Those are the best kinds of selfless acts. We should all strive for them every day!

And so we should!

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Bargaining coping Faith family God Humor Listening Patience Prayer

Can We Talk?

When I first learned this year’s hunt would not be taking place up north, but practically in our own backyard – I headed to a quiet place to pray. I tried to erase those thoughts of many years ago; the last time the hunt took place down here; the time when it rained solidly for a week and I would come home to find damp, smelly camo gear spread throughout the downstairs. I tried to blot out those 5:00 o’clock mornings – feet stomping, chairs scraping across the kitchen floor, my husband ‘creeping’ back into the bedroom wielding a flashlight, whispering, ‘Go back to sleep,’ then turning on the overhead light to find what he was looking for. I tried not to think of the peaceful simplicity of that brief respite I enjoyed when the hunt took place up north. Why couldn’t they go up north this year? I pleaded to God in prayer. Your husband is getting older, he said, camping is cold and uncomfortable. Why can’t you be more tolerant?

Wow, that was unexpected. I had come to the Lord for sympathy, clearly he intended this to go a different way. I concluded a change in attitude was in order. My impatience, to which God is constantly drawing my attention, would need to checked at the door each and every morning. 

So, rather than try to sleep in, I got up at 5:00 with the hunters – my husband, son, and one other guy. I joined in the morning banter. I joined them at lunch on Monday, when I was home. I was cheery and encouraging. I swept up the mud they tracked in and cleaned up the kitchen – on Monday.

By Thursday, I confess, I was exhausted and when I came home from work to find a kitchen filled with dirty dishes, I was more than a tad annoyed. While I made dinner, I muttered things to God, hoping this time he’d be on my side. He was non-communicative.  That in itself sent a message. It stopped me in my tracks.

At dinner, in a calm and quiet voice, I asked if they continued to take a two hour lunch break, as they had on Monday. Both my husband and son nodded their heads, unaware. And no one had time to deal with all those dirty dishes? I was not angry, I was simply doing with them what God had done with me – he made me stop and think, I was trying to do the same for them, and they got it.

Communication with God and each other is vitally important in keeping peace. Both cases require us to pay attention and listen – to the words, but also to the silence. And at all times – pray. 

                                                  Margery Frisch

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Catholic coping Faith family love Patience Prayer Stength

Absence

It’s difficult to follow the distancing rules we’ve been given. I mean, we do it, but it, at times, makes us sad, mad, and, of course, lonely. My son drove from Collingwood to our house so that he, and my 2 ½ year old grandson could wish me a happy birthday. He wanted me to stay inside, just waving to them from the window. I said, No, I’m coming out, but then of course my grandson wanted to run to me to give me a hug. It’s difficult to explain social distancing to a 2 ½ year old, so my son held his squirming child in his arms and told him I was sick. Everyone is sick, in this poor child’s world now.

We get to see our family on Zoom gatherings and, as nice as we initially believe it to be, we want to touch and hug and be with our loved ones. It’s the same with the Mass: It’s wonderful that we are able to experience the Mass through the internet and through television, but we want to be there – we want to touch, feel and receive the Eucharist; we want to sing with fellow parishioners, to greet them and our priests. We look with longing at our beautiful church that we miss so much.

Is this how the apostles felt when Jesus went away? I think their emptiness and longing are feelings to which we can now relate. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, we certainly understand that sentiment in times like these. But we shouldn’t just sit around waiting. When Jesus ascended into heaven, though they stared up into the sky for quite some time, the apostles soon realized they had better get busy; there was work to be done.

We should not waste this time we’ve been given either. Yes, I miss Mass; I miss my daily interactions with parishioners; I miss my family… But I’m keeping busy and staying sane (I think). Attend Mass on the Internet, or on your TV; pray without ceasing! But stay busy in other ways too – if you live alone, it will help with the boredom, if you live with another, it will keep you from clobbering each other. And let’s look after our neighbours as best we can. We may be in the same storm, but we are not all in the same boat, so let’s help one another. And God bless you – until we meet again.

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Catholic coping Faith God Patience Prayer Social Awareness Stength

Go to Your Room

When I was a child and I misbehaved, I was sent to my room. With seven kids, my parents couldn’t abide a household of civil unrest – nip it in the bud, was their approach, and off to my room I would go. In those days, it was a real punishment – there was only one TV in the house and that was in the den, where the rest of the family would be – laughing and enjoying the Ed Sullivan show, or I Love Lucy. I’d be alone, just listening to the fun from afar. I was supposed to be reflecting on the reason I was in the situation I was in.

Have we been sent to our rooms? Is this our time to sit and reflect on the reason we are in the situation we are in? We’re being deprived of our freedom; we’re unable to celebrate the sacraments. We can view the Mass, but we are only bystanders, observing from a distance, unable to partake of the feast. These are difficult times and all we can do is sit… and reflect.

During Lent, I chose to read a book entitled, The Love That Keeps Us Sane – living the little way of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, by Fr. Marc Foley, a Discalced Carmelite priest. In light of our current situation, I couldn’t have picked a better focus for my Lenten journey. One chapter is called, the Sanity of Silence – the title, as you can imagine, is self-explanatory. Hard as I try to grasp the concept, though – I fail. When the only other person I see day after day is my husband…and things, from time to time can get tense, it’s important that I get that concept right, so I try and try again – there’s lots of time for practice.

There’s also time for prayer. Many of us feel frustrated being cooped up at home, but think of our health care workers, think of the grocery store clerks, think of all those who put themselves (and their families) at risk every day. Pray for them. Think of those who are sick with the virus; those who have died from it. Pray for them. Complain less and pray more.

Some see this tragic time as a sign of God’s anger. In my opinion, God is not an angry vengeful God. As Pope Francis says, “It is not the time of God’s judgment, but of our own…” I do not believe God causes these things to happen, but he certainly uses them as teaching moments for his children. He has sent us to our room. What can we learn from this epic time in our lives, and will we hold on to the things we have learned, to those things God wishes to teach us, once this is over?

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Catholic Faith God Lent Patience Prayer

Get Spiritually Fit

I got a Fitbit for Christmas – doesn’t just about everyone have one? I was home for several days over the holidays and it praised me constantly for my many steps, my calorie burn, my determination! Since I’ve been back to work I’m getting constant reminders…gentle nudges…little zaps, actually, telling me to get up and get moving. It got me thinking.

What if we were all equipped with a Spiritual Fitbit? Wouldn’t that be something? If we were sent gentle reminders…nudges…zaps from above, telling us to get moving, praying, reading scripture, attending Mass. I like the idea and I wish someone would create something to help us in this way. But wait a minute, someone has created a way to reach us and remind us to get spiritually fit. God the Father sent us Jesus, his son, then came the Holy Spirit; we have priests in our midst, guiding us with their homilies and reflections; we have Sacred Scripture and the Sacraments; there are books galore that can lead us closer to God and strengthen our faith.

But don’t you feel that you still need that little zap from time to time? What about when our thoughts and actions are not exactly Christ-like, wouldn’t a gentle reminder be helpful – a vibration, a jolt, something to wake us up to the fact that we have gone off track? Whispers of unkind gossip (zap), annoyance at fellow drivers (buzz), losing our temper with our spouse (zap, zap). And, of course, it’s not only in our thoughts and in our words and what we have done – but the one that trips me up every time – in what we have failed to do. That’s when I most need a zap – get up and help that person, go over and offer kind words, friendship, assistance – get moving.

At this time of year, most of my physical fitness is done on a treadmill – a lot of time and effort getting nowhere fast. I feel the birds visiting the feeders outside my window in the early morning are giving me a smug look – silly fool, can’t she see she’s not getting anywhere?

Let’s not run a spiritual treadmill – going through the motions with no progress in our faith. Lent will be here before we know it, so let’s get spiritually fit now, in Ordinary Time. That way we’ll get farther along on our Lenten journey with fewer zaps and jolts.

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Bargaining coping Patience Prayer Trust

Let Go…

We’ve all heard that sage piece of advise…we’ve probably used it ourselves, to help someone working through difficult times.  But what does it really mean to us?  Often, when I’m fretting about something, I tell myself to ‘let go and let God.’  But do I really do that?  Do you?

It occurred to me recently, that I’m very selective about what I turn over to God.  ‘It’s ok,’ I might as well be saying, ‘I’ve got it now, I can take it from here.’  Really?  When I’ve got my head on straight, I realize that God does not do things in half measures, but you know what?  He’s not going to argue about it.  ‘You’ve got it?  Fine, go for it,’ is how I imagine him replying (probably with the tiniest smirk).  We’re like children, aren’t we, thinking we can do everything ourselves.  Picture a child carrying something far too heavy for their size and stature.  They’re stubborn though, insisting they’re big enough to carry their load…until the overwhelming weight of the thing stops them dead in their tracks, forcing them to admit defeat.  That’s us!  And it’s laughable, the way we think we can do everything for ourselves.  But, just as we are, or were, with our own children, God is patient with us.  Waiting for us to turn our minds and hearts back to him.  He’s there, always, to pick up the pieces and set us straight, once again.

So why fret?  Why struggle?  Why can’t we just let go…and let God direct the course of events with which we’ve been wrestling?  It goes along the same lines as the way we pray.  We pray for this and we pray for that, very specifically, instead of praying for the strength and courage to accept and follow God’s will.

“Act as if everything depended on you; trust as if everything depended on God,” said Saint Ignatius of Loyola.  Wouldn’t it just be so easy, uncomplicated and freeing to let God pilot our course?  I say this as if it’s the way I live my life.  Oh if that were true.  I will reiterate…I’m selective about what I let God pilot, and even then, I want to be co-pilot!  This is why prayer is essential to our wellbeing.  It centers us, puts us back on the right track with our Lord and helps us to see the bigger picture.  So, let’s think twice before we go to sit in that driver’s seat (so to speak) and defer to the one who truly is in control at all times.  We just might enjoy the ride.

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Easter Faith God Humor love Mercy Patience Social Awareness Trust

Easter Hope

Again this Easter, our family gathered to celebrate, not only the glory of Easter Sunday, but four birthdays. It was a joyous day. As I cleaned, and baked, and prepared the house for guests…I grew weary. Wouldn’t it be nice, I thought, if one of my daughters-in-law offered to host Easter one time. But then, I told myself, when would you take such care with your spring cleaning? Would you look after these corners, these nooks and crannies where the spiders leave their webs? This is good for you, I told myself. Stop complaining.

It really is good for us to make that extra effort – to serve. Ever mindful of Lazarus’ sisters, I tried my hardest (this time) to be Mary and not Martha when everyone gathered. I wanted to be attentive to my guests, not worrying about the cooking and the smaller details. I think I’m getting better at it in my old age, I truly did enjoy this Easter celebration.

The grandchildren discovered the gold finches flocking to the bird feeders and suddenly, I found the three oldest ones standing in the yard, under the feeders, their arms outstretched, motionless as statues, birdseed in each hand. “For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these…” I thought as I stood and watched them. I saw trust, hope, faith and love being demonstrated by their patient waiting, their outstretched arms. One gold finch did alight to snatch a seed from my granddaughter’s open hand, and that made the others ever hopeful.

After dinner, sitting at the table with our sons and daughters-in-law, we talked of world issues; I mentioned a book I had been reading throughout Lent, which urged the need to follow Jesus’ teaching on the Beatitudes. My one daughter-in-law, who had no religious upbringing, asked me what I was talking about. I quoted a bit from the Sermon on the Mount – blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God. We talked about the need to help the poor. “But why?” she said. “Why can’t they help themselves?”

My husband explained to her how many people have grown up without love, without direction, in an ongoing cycle of abuse and neglect – alcoholism and drugs…it’s difficult to pull one’s self out of that without help, he said. She had not looked at it in that way before. Her eyes were opened a bit on Easter Sunday. Her oldest child, her 11 year old son, sat quietly, listening and absorbing all that was being said. We are sowing seeds, I thought to myself.

I’ve mentioned before that our kids are not practicing Catholics, but they take part in these discussions. We just speak of real issues that call for compassion and love and we go on sowing the seeds.

Like the little children, we must continue to grow in trust, hope, faith and love – with much patience, and arms outstretched. Hoping 2

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Catholic Lent Patience Prayer Uncategorized

Try Something New

I like to keep my life in balance – mind, body, spirit and I am grateful to God every day for the ability to practice those things that keep it so. You can imagine, then, how out of balance I felt recently, when a serious fall derailed my running for a month. I moped about for a while, bought a workout video, to keep moving until I could run again…then I stopped to consider…maybe it’s not just the inability to run that’s put me out of balance. Maybe it’s time to look more deeply into my other practices, to see what else might be off kilter.

Do you ever find that, every now and then, your prayer life switches to auto-pilot? You’re going along, going through the motions, but really getting nowhere? Fortunately, Lent comes along just in the nick of time. Lent is a call to conversion; its calls us to wake up, shake off the winter lethargy and get to work.

The great thing about a new routine is the enthusiasm and renewed energy it brings with it. The workout video I purchased was just what I needed – a change of routine; and it got my looking into other routine changes in other areas of my life.

I began to seek out new reflections and meditations to better aid me in reading the daily scriptures. It got me searching for new prayers that will lead me into deeper contemplation. I’m even looking critically at my usual Lenten routines to see how I might do better, how I might make it a more meaningful and fruitful Lenten journey.

Do you give things up for Lent? Is there a purpose to it, a spiritual benefit? Not a ‘what’s in it for me,’ but ‘what’s in it for others?’ This year I’ve decided that everything I do, or refrain from doing; everything I say, or refrain from saying, will be done for the sake of others; for the wellbeing of others. As I write this I’m thinking my husband might be the greatest beneficiary of all my Lenten promises, but that’s really not a bad thing, is it?

Let’s shake things up this Lent, let’s get creative for the benefit of others. Let’s fast – from anger, from hurtful gossip, from impatience. Let’s give generously – of our time, our abundance; let’s give smiles and compliments and kind words and hugs. Let’s pray without ceasing – as we drive, walk, prepare dinner, clean the house. Try something new this Lent, shake things up and it will bring new enthusiasm to your spiritual practices, I guarantee it.

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Faith family love Patience

Looking to the Future

In the spring, I went on a cruise with my two sisters. We were once five sisters, now we are three (our two brothers were not invited on this excursion). Joan is the oldest (by default) and so am I now the youngest. Our memories, for we talked endlessly of the past, are both sweet and sad. We had wanted to take this cruise ever since Patti’s diagnosis, but timing was always off, especially with Patricia’s treatments and checkups. It took four years since her death to coordinate it all – and my two sisters are retired! They’re busy women, busier than I.

As we moved about the ship, as we sat and talked, as we ventured out on excursions, I saw my future. Jean, the middle child, is hopelessly directionally challenged. She practically needed a string, attached to our cabin door, to find her way back…even after a week of going and coming. I mean, all of us McDonalds are directionally challenged, but Jean wins the prize, though it was not always thus.

Joan suffers a neuropathy that leaves her limbs feeling like lead weights by the end of the day, she could not walk too far, too fast and rested often – she used to walk three miles daily. It scared me a bit, to see my sisters in this gradual decline. Where will I be in five years…in nine?

We did have some lively discussions – with Jean leaning to the left, Joan to the right and me trying to balance things out in the middle. And we laughed and laughed and laughed – that was the best part, that we could be ourselves, express our views and still love and laugh.

Despite the failing limbs and bad memory, they are vital, active women and I hope to emulate them…in five and nine years? Jean’s a writer, she’s involved with a poetry group, a writers’ group, a book club and, every week she brings Communion to the sick in hospital.

Joan had just returned from the Holy Land, less than two weeks before she packed up to join us on the cruise. She had another bag packed in her car so that, when we disembarked from the ship, she was off to the airport to fly to her daughter’s for her grandson’s graduation from high school. She, when she’s home, is on the RCIA team and volunteers every Monday at the soup kitchen affiliated with her church. They live their lives and, most importantly, they live their faith in beautiful ways. Since I was a kid I have looked up to these two and, all these decades later, I still aspire to be like them. I am blessed to have these examples of strong lived faith in my life. The future looks good.My Sisters