Category: love

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family love

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

As a child, I was surrounded by older siblings. It was hard to avoid their influence. When my friends were into Elvis Presley, I listened to Peter, Paul & Mary, Joan Baez and Bob Dylan. We sang a lot, as a family. John played the guitar and learned all the songs of the artists mentioned and we’d sit in the living room singing – often. Each night, when we girls cleaned up the kitchen after dinner – we’d sing folk songs in harmony. That’s what I grew up with and I loved it.

    Everyone made attempts at playing the guitar; we all learned the basic chords and played some, but, when Patricia grew up, she learned to play better than any of us – her strumming and finger picking exceeded all of her older siblings and her voice was the most beautiful of all.

    Though Patti and I were close (once she grew up), I have to say the one who had the greatest influence on me was Jean. She didn’t have much to do with me when I was a kid; we were five years apart in age, and six years apart in school (she went into kindergarten at age four), but I always emulated her. I should say, I always envied her – her hair was straight as a board, mine always curly, frizzy and out of control; her clothes were the coolest (I got them handed down when she was no longer interested in them and they were no longer in fashion). She was clever and witty, artistic and THIN! I think most young girls view their older sisters that way. To me Joan was more a motherly type, ‘you cannot go out of the house dressed like that!’ Jean was a freer spirit, she went to college in Cambridge, Mass, hung out in Harvard Square – what could be cooler than that? – nothing, in my mind, so I went to the same school, six years later.

    When I was 18, my nephew Joshua was born. I spent a great deal of time, once school was out for the summer, painting a picture for the wall of his nursery. I can’t exactly remember what I painted, but I know I felt I did a good job with it, I was happy with the way it turned out. We drove down from Maine to Rhode Island for his Christening and afterward John and Ann opened up his gifts. John tore open my gift and said, ‘Now this, I know is from Jean. I love it.’ No one could have given me a greater compliment than that!

    I have since come into my own self, and, though I no longer try to copy her way of looking, dressing and thinking…we still remain so very much alike. And that’s a good thing, for me, because she has grown into such a beautiful, loving and giving soul. I think I should always try to emulate this amazing woman.

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love

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

All You Need is Love                                  2020

There’s a sign that I drive past on my way to work every day, it reads: This billboard available and there’s a phone number in large digits. Would it seem I was squandering money to rent that space to say – the Beatles were right, all you need is love…but Jesus said it first! Now that I have this in my head, I smile every time I see that sign. One day, I’ll get the nerve (and the money) to do it!

I’ve been reading a book in which I thought the author said the opposite of love is fear. I was sure that’s what he said, because in my mind I immediately thought – no, the opposite of love is hate. When I went back to check this fact, I couldn’t find that statement anywhere. He says we need to transform fear into love; he says fear and love cannot exist within us at the same time, he never says one is the antithesis of the other. But let’s look at it that way for a moment (since I have so many thoughts already supporting that point of view).

When we consider all the civil unrest happening around us – are these actions driven by hate, or fear? Is fear perhaps the very thing that feeds the hate which drives the violence? How can we stop the cycle? We might think it’s impossible for us, ourselves, to do anything to stop this madness. But let’s think again. Do we take part in hateful, hurtful dialogue on Facebook? Do we get into heated discussions with people who don’t think the same way we do? Do we get angry just thinking about these people who express views different than our own? How can we change this pattern? We should always consider, if we think things need changing, how we ourselves might change. How can we bring more positivity into the world around us?

If we take a moment, in quiet prayer and meditation, we’ll soon realize – love is key. We can’t always agree with everyone, even by educating ourselves; trying to see things from another’s perspective. But we can accept their thoughts and opinions with love. Jesus got angry on occasion, but he did not lash out at everyone who opposed his teachings; love was at the heart of everything he did.

When my sons were small I would say to them ‘do not use the word hate, it’s a bad word. You can say I dislike intensely, but never say hate!’ If hate is fueled by fear, let’s replace fear with love. Sing it with me – sing it loud – All you need is love! 

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family God love Mother's Day

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Love                                                                       

May 2017

When my sons were in their teens, the protestations began about attending Mass. I explained to them that this was my job, part of the job of raising them – to build a solid foundation of faith. They rolled their eyes and simply chalked it up with all the other restrictions and limitations I placed on their lives. I speak singularly, as if my husband wasn’t in the picture. He certainly was, but he was the softy; I was the one who held them to the house rules. I never felt I was a strict disciplinarian, but once we decided on a certain plan of action – I didn’t waffle, as someone else might have.

Skip ahead two decades and we have finally reached that point I had always heard about and had only dreamed of – that point in their lives when they see us differently; they actually believe we are wise. Our one son, with three children, now realizes the importance of rules and holding kids to them.  His younger brother – soon to be a father, is observant. Our daughters-in-law often swell our heads, complimenting us on raising wonderful sons. I simply look heavenward, with thankful praise. They are not church goers, these sons of ours, but they were given a foundation of faith, they were taught respect and were respected, and they were immersed in love.

On Mother’s Day, our oldest, invited not only his parents to his house, but his in-laws, his brother and his wife (the expectant parents) and his brother’s mother-in-law. We mothers were honoured but I, and most especially my son’s wife, were very proud. He worked tirelessly to ensure everything was just so, for these many women in his life.

I learned from my own parents that lecturing and preaching to non-practicing children does nothing to increase their desire to return to the Church. In many instances, it alienates grown children from their parents. That does no one any good. Sitting and observing all the busyness of Mother’s Day, what I witnessed everywhere I looked was love. My husband and my son, busy in the kitchen; my younger son and his pregnant wife, cuddled up on the chaise in the living room; the grandchildren playing on the floor with their other grandpa, and we ladies sitting around the dining room table, sipping wine, laughing and sharing stories. Everywhere I looked, I saw love. God’s love. God is love. What more can we ask of life than that?

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coping Faith family God Humor love Patience

Knocking on Heaven’s door

Lessons Learned

I am my mother’s daughter. My family will sometimes call me T. Way, when I sound or act like my father – worrying about everything. But I am very much like my mother too. She had numerous admirable qualities, making the raising of seven children appear effortless. Unfortunately, those qualities I did not inherit.

If you were sick, in a household of nine, on a busy school morning, you got short shrift. Mother didn’t spend a lot of time fussing over you. In later years, when she got cancer, most of her friends didn’t know. Never knew about the weeks and weeks of radiation treatments. She continued going to meetings and offering to help on various committees. My sister Patti was truly mother’s daughter, working fulltime through her cancer treatments up until the last few months before she died.

These women taught me that sickness is not something to be pitied or rued. So what am I supposed to do with a man cold? Seriously, I grew up in an unsympathetic household in which sickness was no big deal. So, when my sweet, affable husband turns into a different being entirely, how am I supposed to react? It has always mystified me, for we have been here many times before.

All the day long, never stirring from the bed, then thrashing the sheets and blankets off at 3:00 in the morning, turning on lights, coughing and hacking his way to the bathroom, coming back and falling into bed, wheezing with ragged breaths, too exhausted to care or notice that all the lights have been left on. I get up, rearrange the sheets and blankets, and turn out the lights. Is this done in saintly fashion? Heavens no! It’s more than mild annoyance that propels me out of bed to set things straight. Then I lie there at 3:00 in the morning – wide awake and fuming.

What’s the lesson here? I know there’s a lesson to be learned. I know God is smiling, trying so hard not to laugh – at me…at us. My silent annoyance begins to fade and I too smile. One thing God has blessed me with and for which I am eternally grateful, is a healthy sense of humor. It has carried me through 40-plus years of marriage – and marriage, as we all know, can try the patience of a saint. Though, what saints have and what I sorely lack is patience. God tests me on this attribute (or lack thereof) often. It’s a daily struggle for me, though it is often an easier hurdle to overcome at any other time of the day.3:00 in the morning is really pushing it!

But, let’s look on the bright side – 3:00 am is an ideal time to have a chat with God, who will always calm us down and set us back on the right path. (And that path for me, to the relief of many, has never included a career in nursing.)

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Faith family love Patience Social Action Social Awareness

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

What’s your story?        

For Mother’s Day I was given a gift by my family. Well, to be honest, I begged to be given this gift, acting like a little kid who had to have what her friend had gotten for her birthday. Storyworth is a gift of weekly questions. Each week you receive a question, sent by email and chosen by a member of your family. These questions come weekly for an entire year and at the end of it, your answers are compiled into a book for your family. The questions pertain to your life; some are fun and easy: What fads did you embrace growing up? Some really make you think: What is your favorite memory of your mother? …and some make you want to take serious stock of your life, like last week’s question: What is one of the most selfless things you have done in life?

The fact that your family members are posing the questions makes you feel, at times, as if you’re taking a test. An important grade hangs in the balance. Your answers should impart the wisdom of a life lived; and, most importantly for me – a life lived by faith. These answers pose an opportunity that we are not often given with our children and grandchildren, an opportunity to expound on those issues, beliefs and practices that have helped and guided us through our lives -.no eye-rolling, no talk-back, no walking away – they asked.

Back to last week’s question – though I did send in my response, I’m still pondering that one. I had to search long and hard for answers. Was I more selfish than selfless in my many years on this earth? Have I done enough in a selfless vein? Have I already done my most selfless thing, or is it yet to come? I don’t think we can live our lives believing we’ve accomplished our most selfless act – how do we grow, continue to care for and nurture this needy world if we’ve already been our most selfless?

Thought provoking and self-searching – I was the one who asked for this. Little did I realize where these questions would take me; searching my memory, recalling happy vignettes and not-so-pleasant experiences; much soul searching, coming up short at times, opening my eyes to more flaws than one would care to reveal. It’s a healthy practice, if you share with your family your honest look at the world and your place in it.

This is how I ended my answer to that soul-searching question: Life is made up of tiny, often going unnoticed, acts-of-love that we don’t even think twice about. Those are the best kinds of selfless acts. We should all strive for them every day!

And so we should!

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community love Prayer Social Awareness Uncategorized

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Show Love
Every month for the last year, on the second Tuesday, I have joined a group of women (my high school graduating class) for a zoom. It’s been fascinating learning about their lives; what they have done; where they have gone; who they have become. They always have questions for me about Canada, and I love telling them about this amazing country I now call home.
This past Tuesday I could not participate in the zoom; this past Tuesday I was overcome with a deep sorrow for this country, and I knew I would not be able to articulate it to these women – this country I am so very proud to live in and call home. I still love it with all my heart, but I did not have words to defend the events that have come to light in recent days, and so, instead of chatting with my friends, my husband, our dog and I went for a long pondering walk.
Personally, I do not know anyone with racist views, but I’m not naïve enough to believe racism does not exist; is not rampant in this country. What I find particularly disturbing is that people of power and authority; medical professionals and care-givers; those who have the opportunity to show love and compassion, in some instances, are often found to demonstrate hate and brutality.
I don’t know what we can do as individuals. My go to solution is always prayer, but more is required to deal with this ongoing, ugly side of our society, I think. Love is another way to show support and solidarity – a simple smile given to someone who, for the most part, feels left out, isolated, unloved by the majority of people they encounter. Give a smile and a kind word. Do not ignore people who are not like you, who do not speak the way you do, or look the way you look. It’s a tiny step, but it’s a beginning. Show love…and pray for our country.

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Catholic coping Faith family love Patience Prayer Stength

Absence

It’s difficult to follow the distancing rules we’ve been given. I mean, we do it, but it, at times, makes us sad, mad, and, of course, lonely. My son drove from Collingwood to our house so that he, and my 2 ½ year old grandson could wish me a happy birthday. He wanted me to stay inside, just waving to them from the window. I said, No, I’m coming out, but then of course my grandson wanted to run to me to give me a hug. It’s difficult to explain social distancing to a 2 ½ year old, so my son held his squirming child in his arms and told him I was sick. Everyone is sick, in this poor child’s world now.

We get to see our family on Zoom gatherings and, as nice as we initially believe it to be, we want to touch and hug and be with our loved ones. It’s the same with the Mass: It’s wonderful that we are able to experience the Mass through the internet and through television, but we want to be there – we want to touch, feel and receive the Eucharist; we want to sing with fellow parishioners, to greet them and our priests. We look with longing at our beautiful church that we miss so much.

Is this how the apostles felt when Jesus went away? I think their emptiness and longing are feelings to which we can now relate. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, we certainly understand that sentiment in times like these. But we shouldn’t just sit around waiting. When Jesus ascended into heaven, though they stared up into the sky for quite some time, the apostles soon realized they had better get busy; there was work to be done.

We should not waste this time we’ve been given either. Yes, I miss Mass; I miss my daily interactions with parishioners; I miss my family… But I’m keeping busy and staying sane (I think). Attend Mass on the Internet, or on your TV; pray without ceasing! But stay busy in other ways too – if you live alone, it will help with the boredom, if you live with another, it will keep you from clobbering each other. And let’s look after our neighbours as best we can. We may be in the same storm, but we are not all in the same boat, so let’s help one another. And God bless you – until we meet again.

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community Faith Lent love Social Action Social Awareness

Let Your Voice be Heard

When I was a student in university, in the States, back in the 70s, there were rallies and protests everywhere, against the Viet Nam war. I went to a lot of them, we all did. I haven’t joined many protests since then (any, I have not joined any since then). But I think it’s time to become a feisty senior citizen and get politically involved once again.

I like words, I like playing around with them, but lately I see words being played around with in a deceptively misleading manner. Point of fact – the abortion issue – when did the phraseology change from pro-life and abortionists to pro-choice and anti-abortionists? Did you catch it when it happened? It was a long time ago, and, because it was not met with much opposition, it stuck. The positive connotation of PRO carries a lot of weight.

Last week, while listening to the news I heard the term doctor assisted death, and I wondered when that had changed from doctor assisted suicide. Words can imperceptibly change our opinions in cunning ways. Are we just not paying attention? Are we not listening? Do we no longer care?

I think it’s time we made our voices heard. One need not stand on a picket line to be heard, though it is a good way to get a point across. Letter writing is another way – put the power of words to good use; get involved with organizations that support your beliefs, help them get their message out. Whether you’re vehemently opposed to doctor assisted suicide; whether you’re in support of gun control or pro-life organizations; maybe you’re passionate about saving the planet…do something to aid a good cause. Our right to vote is a privilege that gives us a voice and so many disregard this very powerful tool. When we sit around and lament the state of the world, yet take no responsibility; take no action to change things; when we remain silent, we are a part of the problem. Be part of the solution.

pebble 3Lent is coming. Let’s make a commitment to get involved in one of the many ways we can help to change the world in a positive, faith-filled way. A pebble dropped into a pond ripples outward and onward – be that pebble.

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Catholic family Joy love Social Awareness

The Gift is in the Giving

Last Saturday, when our family gathered to celebrate the American Thanksgiving, I sat down with three of my four grandchildren to look through the Chalice Christmas Gift Catalogue. This is not like the old Sears Christmas Wish Catalogues of the past. Since my grandchildren were very small, I have given gifts to third world countries through Chalice, in their names. Chalice is a wonderful Canadian Catholic Organization through which many in our parish have sponsored children, to help with their education, with food and clothing. Each year they send out a catalogue with everything inside from animals, crop seeds, farm tools, and school supplies, to blankets and mattresses.

When the grandkids were little, it was important to instill in them the notion that not every child had what they had; not every child had enough food to eat, proper clothing to wear; not every family had the means with which to provide these things.

I thought of this on Saturday as the three, aged 11, 10 and 8, had a lively discussion as to what gifts would provide the greatest means of support for a family. In the past, I did most of the talking and they would nod their heads in agreement. This time they looked through the catalogue and gave their own opinions. They all agreed that animals were the best choice – a pair of goats over a donkey, because a pair would give you baby goats to sell, they would give you milk and cheese, providing food for the family, as well as a livelihood. We also looked at other options – helping an orphanage, they loved that idea too, and crop seeds were an inexpensive gift that we could add to the list.

My heart was bursting when we wrapped up our discussions, circled our choices and concluded our session. They truly understood what we were doing, how we were making a difference and I could see in their faces the joy of giving from the heart and giving with love.

The things we do with our little ones – children and grandchildren – makes an impact; it leaves an impression and plants a seed in the heart. I look forward to next year when these three will help their little cousin to make equally good choices. He’s two and wouldn’t sit still this time, but next year we will till the soil and plant the seed.

Love in Action Margery Frisch

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Faith family God Joy love Prayer Trust

Spend Some Time with Kids

Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. (Mt 19.14, Lk 18.16)

So often, we adults, in our conversing , can drag each other down with the weight of the world, with the negativity of our words. I can’t take too much of that. I have to walk away. Yes, I know the world is in a terrible state, and perhaps there’s reason to despair, but we cannot move forward and grow when we’re dragged down so. I’m the perennial optimist, I believe firmly that prayerful positivity will get us through. God has never, nor will he ever abandon us. So get out of that negative rut. Go spend some time with happy, fun-loving, trusting children.

I did that just last week – spent the weekend with three of my four grandchildren, the three oldest. We began with a trip to Toronto, getting lost, as Grandma is wont to do.

“I didn’t know people in Toronto were so nice,” said my 10 year old granddaughter, when a gentleman in a pickup truck let me go ahead of him, seeing, no doubt, the look of absolute panic and confusion on my countenance.

We were in the city for a performance of Cirque du Soleil, and I would venture to say, the magic of this show is best enjoyed through the eyes of children. They were mesmerized, they were awestruck, enthralled and oh-so-grateful. They thanked me at least a dozen times each. It was a delight for me to experience the show through the wonder and joy of my grandchildren.

How do we go from wonder-filled, joyful children to skeptical, distrusting adults? As faith-filled Christians, we must be doing something wrong, if we do not hold the wonder and joy of God in our hearts. How do we recapture that trust and wonder? The next time a group of adults is sitting around despairing over the state our country, our world, slip away, find a quiet spot – a church is best – and pray. Does that sound too simplistic? Perhaps, but, as Jesus says, the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.