Category: coping

Once a Mother…

As a mother with young children, I would often ponder Mary, the Mother of God. Did she have days of exhaustion and frustration chasing after her toddler? When he hit the terrible 2s, how did she deal with that? If he was slightly defiant at 12, what was her son like as a teenager? ‘I don’t care if you are the son of God – you clean up this room!’ It often helped me to cope, picturing our Blessed Mother enduring the same trials of motherhood. I know, I know, hers was the incarnate son of God, but, as a teenager…it’s possible there were parental struggles. I clung to that, anyway.

One of my favorite stories of Mary, is that of the wedding feast, when she tells the steward to, ‘do whatever he tells you to do.’ I can almost picture Jesus rolling his eyes. “Mom.” He was a grown man and there was his mother, situated in the midst of his personal life. I have tried my best to avoid being obtrusive in my sons’ lives. But when situations arise whereupon a mother is sought, well, I’m like that obnoxious kid in class, arm waving frantically in the air – pick me, pick me!

A few weeks ago, I had my pre-Christmas weekend all planned – finishing up my Christmas projects and shopping. A call from my daughter-in-law changed all that. Now, granted, I was called because her mother is wintering in Mexico, but let’s not split hairs – I was called. I was needed.

It happened that my son was in the hospital (I hope I would have been called first, regardless of where her mother was, but I dare not assume). Thankfully, it was not a serious illness, though it was a debilitating one and he was hospitalized for two nights. As his wife flitted from hospital to home, I was the constant for my one year old grandson.

When your child is going through a difficult time, no matter his age, you worry. Again, picture our Blessed Mother and all that she had to endure, with all that Jesus had to endure. Ponder that when times are tough. As Jesus suffered, so did his Mother. It matters not, the age of our children – they are our children. When they are sick, when they are suffering, we suffer too.

One of the constants we as Catholics have in our lives, is Mary, the Mother of God – intercessor for us all. As our kids turn to us when they need help – let us then turn to our eternal Mother. Mary, Holy Mother of God, pray for us.

coping God Humor Stength Trust

Don’t Give Up!

I have a t-shirt that boldly states: Running, cheaper than therapy – and it’s true. But one could also say the same about one’s faith. I read somewhere that people who have religion in their lives are happier people. The reasons, I believe, are two-fold: 1.) with faith in God, there’s no reason to despair; one always has hope, and 2.) we’re not in charge, and that takes the pressure off.

Now, I know, having said these things, this is not always the case – we do despair…and we do think we’re in charge a lot of the time. It’s a constant struggle to get it right. The point is, we persevere; we don’t give up.

I was out running with the dog on a recent Saturday morning. She loves to run…and she’s fast, I’m continually reigning her in. So, we were going along at a good pace, the leash was taut, then suddenly went slack. At the speed with which we were going…and for the dog to suddenly stop…the leash slackening and me sailing on full speed ahead, tripping over said leash – it was not a pretty sight. I hit the ground hard. Well, first I was up in the air for what seemed like 20 minutes, wondering if I could somehow maneuver a soft landing – not a chance. I went splat, in the middle of the road. Thankfully, our road is dead at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. And thankfully we were fairly close to home. When I limped home and shared these events with my husband, he cringed and then suggested I take up a different form of exercise. Our oldest son’s suggestion was similar, while our youngest son simply said. ‘Mom, don’t take the dog running anymore.’ I much preferred his advice.

When things get tough, giving up should not be our go-to option. How can we accomplish anything with that attitude? How can we grow? We can run up against difficulties and disappointments in our prayer life too; on our journey of faith…we can feel overwhelmed, fatigued, disheartened – but we must never give up. We may have dry periods, or lazy periods when our prayers are not as heartfelt as they normally are. We may feel we are going through the motions, but getting nowhere. This is nothing new; many great saints also suffered these dark periods…but they didn’t give up – or, more precisely, God never gave up on them.

You see? There’s no need for despair –because God truly is in charge. But, if you need a spiritual boost, a shot in the arm – take a walk outside – there’s a whole lot of renewal going on with flowers bursting open, trees budding, grass greening…and birds’ song!

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Catholic coping Death Easter Faith family love Stength

REJOICE

Post author By admin
Post date April 6, 2018
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I hope you will indulge me. This is something I wrote four years ago, but never shared. Seeing as how my sister’s birthday fell on Easter Monday, it naturally came to mind.

I’ve made several attempts to begin this piece, but it does not come as easily as some. The winter was long and difficult and spring has been resistant, all of which reflects my mood – cold and dark, slowly emerging. Through the winter months my sister’s health took a turn from which she could not come back. The weight dropped off her, pain set in, but through it all, her faith, her fight and her humor never wavered. She was a tremendous example to all the family of determination with grace and dignity. Just as our mother had been 25 years before. From Christmas on, my husband and I made plans to travel to Rhode Island to be with her, but storm after storm thwarted our efforts. When the skies would clear, the temperatures would plummet, and then we feared returning to frozen pipes. Finally, in early March we made the 11 hour journey and spent two days by her side. The priest had already anointed her, her daughter and son-in-law from Switzerland were there and we knew the end was near. In hushed voices, my niece and I talked. “She’s afraid of dying,” Jessy said, sadly. My niece did her best to give me time alone with my sister, but each time the house grew quiet, with just the two of us there, she would fall deeply asleep. She was exhausted. On the second and last day of our visit, she slept the entire time, waking only briefly. When it was time for us to leave, I knew I had to say something that would comfort her, but what? It had to be quick, but it had to calm her and ease her fears.

“Just rest,” I told her, “don’t worry about anything.”

“Oh, I wish,” she said.

“Patti,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “You are loved. You are so loved! God is love – and that is all you need to think about.”

She died four days later, in complete peace, her family told me.

Now we are in the joyful Easter season! But before we could rejoice in Easter celebration, we had to first experience Christ’s agony and death. Thankfully, our faith teaches us that the death of a loved one is not the end…but a new beginning. And how can we not rejoice in that?

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Lenten Practices

It’s Lent and we can trudge through it looking dismal, so everyone knows we’ve taken on onerous practices, or we can open our eyes to the gifts God provides us with on a daily basis – and smile.

Are you’re like me? Sometimes the smallest change of routine can throw me off balance. We were looking after our son’s dog while he and his family went on a holiday to warmer climes. Not one week, not two…but three long weeks of a four legged addition to our household. I don’t need to tell you who looked after this guest. I was the one to take him outside first thing in the morning and last thing at night. My husband, who sleeps like the dead, was nowhere near rising when Banksy and I began the day and, in the evening he had long since ascended the stairs before the dog and I were ready to retire.

Our dog sleeps in a kennel in the kitchen, my son’s dog sleeps in their bedroom…on their bed – I drew the line there, letting him sleep in our room, but on his own bed. He sleeps in quite late, my son informed me. Well, no, he only sleeps in if the people he’s sleeping with do. When I rose at 5:45, so did Banksy, rearing to go.

Change can be discombobulating, it can make us ornery and cantankerous – but when we’re doing good things for others, is that the way to do it? I don’t think so. It rather defeats the purpose. Admittedly, I was a bit ornery at the start of our new living arrangements, but, over time, a new routine developed.

We have an invisible fence for our dog and each morning I slap her collar on her and send her out the door. I soon discovered that having to go outside with Banksy in the morning allowed me to appreciate the beauty of the morning sky – the rising sun, the crisp crunch of the snow underfoot. Each evening when we’d go out one last time, I’d stare up into the night sky and marvel at the beauty and the wonder that shone down from the heavens.

An inconvenience can sometimes bring about wonderful discoveries in ourselves and in the world around us. Our three weeks of dog-sitting prepared me for Lent –showing me how change of routine (being deprived of our creature comforts) can be energizing; it taught me to adapt with a happy heart and it opened my eyes to God’s beauty and splendour. There’s no need to dismally trudge through Lent – God’s gifts are everywhere, when we open our hearts to his graces.

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Lessons Learned

I am my mother’s daughter. My family will sometimes call me T. Way, when I sound or act like my dad – worrying about everything. But I am very much like my mother too. She had numerous admirable qualities, making the raising of seven children appear effortless. Unfortunately, those qualities I did not inherit.

If you were sick, in a household of nine, on a busy school morning, you got short shrift. Mother didn’t spend a lot of time fussing over you. In later years, when she got cancer, most of her friends didn’t know. Never knew about the weeks and weeks of radiation treatments. She continued going to meetings and offering to help on various committees. My sister Patti was truly mother’s daughter, working fulltime through her cancer treatments up until the last few months before she died.

These women taught me that sickness is not something to be pitied or rued. So what am I supposed to do with a man cold? Seriously, I grew up in an unsympathetic household in which sickness was no big deal. So, when my sweet, affable husband turns into a different being entirely, how am I supposed to react? It has always mystified me, for we have been here many times before.

All the day long, never stirring from the bed, then thrashing the sheets and blankets off at 3:00 in the morning, turning on lights, coughing and hacking his way to the bathroom, coming back and falling into bed, wheezing with ragged breaths, too exhausted to care or notice that all the lights have been left on. I get up, rearrange the sheets and blankets, and turn out the lights. Is this done in saintly fashion? Heavens no! It’s more than mild annoyance that propels me out of bed to set things straight. Then I lie there at 3:00 in the morning – wide awake and fuming.

What’s the lesson here? I know there’s a lesson to be learned. I know God is smiling, trying so hard not to laugh – at me…at us. My silent annoyance begins to fade and I too smile. One thing God has blessed me with and for which I am eternally grateful, is a healthy sense of humor. It has carried me through almost 40 years of marriage – and marriage, as we all know, can try the patience of a saint. Though, what saints have and what I sorely lack is patience. God tests me on this attribute (or lack thereof) often. It’s a daily struggle for me, though it is often an easier hurdle to overcome at any other time of the day.3:00 in the morning is really pushing it!

But, let’s look on the bright side – 3:00 am is an ideal time to have a chat with God, who will always calm us down and set us back on the right path. (And that path for me, to the relief of many, has never included a career in nursing.)

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In a Tumultuous World

Only during Holy Week do I ever really consider the circumstances of Jesus’ crucifixion. How could such a thing happen? If I had been there, surely I would not have been one with the crowd that shouted “Crucify him.” But would I have stood silent, for fear of what the crowd would do to me?

When my children were young, I would not let them use the word hate, it’s a bad word. “You may say, ‘I dislike intensely,’ but never say hate.” That being said, I hate crowds. There’s an energy and an influence that takes over, suddenly. In a flash, it is no longer a group of individuals, but a mob, of one mind – the mind and the influence of the leader(s) and violence and chaos can take over in a heartbeat.

The events that transpired in Charlottesville, Virginia, recently, filled me with sadness and dread. In addition to the events themselves, the way the president dealt with them and the way the United States has been divided by them, one can only worry.

It seems as if the world has turned upside down and inside out. Genocide is taking place in parts of our world; devastation from hurricanes, floods and earthquakes south of us; white supremacists are coming out of the woodwork; the leaders of North Korea and the United States have resorted to adolescent name-calling; and mass killings in Las Vegas. But, what has the president of the United States up in arms? A group of athletes ‘taking a knee’ in quiet, peaceful protest. What is this world coming to?

One can so easily become disheartened hearing, reading and watching these events unfold before our eyes. Several things keep me centered when I begin to feel weighed down by world atrocities: 1.) I truly believe these things have been going on since time immemorial, but technology now brings them to us instantly, sometimes we even see them happening live; 2.) I believe there is an equal amount of goodness in the world (which sadly, the media does not consider newsworthy); and 3.) I believe prayer can heal wounds and action can change lives.

We must remain positive and prayerful. But we cannot afford to remain silent in the light of injustice. Jesus did not tolerate injustice. He did not use violence; he did not berate the crowd, his means were always non-violent, but effective. We can follow Jesus’ lead. In our own way, in our own space, we can heal wounds, change lives, and instill hope – with love, positivity and prayer.

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Did You Hear That?

When later asked if he was correct in hearing that the wind was going to shift to the South East…I really couldn’t say. I mean, by the time I’ve listened to 20 minutes of the French weather forecast, followed, in English, by every nuance in temperature and humidity level from North Bay to Timbuctoo, my attention span is gone. When the actual marine forecast comes on, I’m thinking about a snack, and a reasonable time for happy hour to begin. So no, I couldn’t say if he was correct in his hearing. Regardless – when the gale winds blew from the North, we were totally unprepared.
We’ve all said it before – it was the longest day of my life. I’ve said it before, but nothing I’ve endured in the past could compare to being tossed, thrown, beaten and bruised from noon to mid-afternoon, only to hear, on the updated forecast – WARNING – Gale force North winds on Georgian Bay…diminishing around midnight. MIDNIGHT?!?! There was nothing to do but watch and wait. Well, Leon was plenty busy, checking coordinates, checking lines, replacing lines, checking coordinates, trying to prevent the anchor and chain from ripping the bow off the boat. I am the one who watched and waited. Watched while Leon went to the bow numerous times, life-jacketed and tethered; watched as the dingy lines (2) snapped and the dingy rode the waves happily to shore; watched the guy on the beach nicely carry our dinghy up out of the surf; watch the bow pulpit float by me, while I watched the cops come down to the beach (three times in all), stare at our boat, talk to the cottagers and then leave, not knowing what to do to help us. It was, indeed, the longest day of my life.
They say you meet the nicest people boating, but in this case, the nicest people were the cottagers in Big Sand Bay, who all came out to greet me when I swam to shore next morning; the guy who canoed out to Anerca to get Leon and Scout; his wife and sister-in-law who made us breakfast; his brother who later helped Leon to jury-rig the tiller (yes that got broken too)…despite their kindnesses – I wanted to go home!
That brings me to my purpose in writing this piece…my husband is looking for a sailing partner – strictly a sailing partner, you understand. One who remains calm under pressure and can really pay attention to marine weather forecasts!

Catholic coping Spiritual Renewal Trust

Renew the Face of the Earth

Post author By admin
Post date August 2, 2016
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Summer is here! The earth is fully renewed! So why aren’t I? “Come, Holy Spirit,” we sing, “renew the face of the earth.” Doesn’t that include me – all of us? I run, I bike ride with my husband, we sail on weekends…and maybe that’s the problem right there – too busy; no time to sit and think; no time to smell the roses; no time to rest. Summer comes and we try to squeeze as many activities into it as we possibly can. That’s understandable, of course, with six to seven months of winter behind us, we want to be outside, we want to celebrate warmth and greenery, water and light.

Is it my age then? Is that why I’m so tired? Is it my worries; are they what are exhausting me? Bingo! So, instead of renewing the face of the earth, renew my faith and trust. I don’t know about you, but I need to trust that God will handle those things I cannot change…I need to trust that those things I want changed are in his hands and he will ‘handle’ them according to his will. Clearly, I’m not always in sync with God. In my prayers I plead, bargain, cajole. Clearly I’m not paying attention when, in praying the Our Father I say, ‘thy kingdom come, thy will be done.’ There are times when I deliberately ignore that phrase, with a ‘yes but’ attitude. You know – ‘yes Lord, but I don’t think you quite understand where I’m coming from…let me just explain.’ Give it up. He understands our thoughts better than we can attempt to articulate them.

The other morning when I was out running, the sun was just coming up over the trees, birds were singing, insects were buzzing and I felt like I could run for miles and miles. I truly felt renewed. Everywhere I looked I was treated to his beautiful creation – nothing man-made, but for the hay bails in the fields, the barns and fences.

So, when we find ourselves drained of energy, bereft of spirit, we need to sit in the quiet of a church and talk to God. I picture him rolling his eyes and thinking to himself – you again! But I know that really he wraps his arms around us because we soon feel his love envelop us, calming our concerns. If the church is not easily accessible, find a place to sit and meditate on God’s caring nature, preferably in a place that’s filled with his beauty. Sit in a garden, a park, smell the flowers, listen to the birds…just let go and let God do the rest. Trust me, renewal will come.

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Patience!

Post author By admin
Post date June 30, 2016
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It never hurts to go over some aspects of our lives that periodically need review. Patience, is one of those areas in which, along the twists and turns of life’s journey, I am forever being tested. We’ve been a household without a dog for about three years now. My oldest sister once explained to me, ‘Freedom is when the kids have left home and the dog dies.’ Our boys were in their teens when she revealed this to me, and the dog was quite young…I had no concept of what she was talking about. Now, 17 years later, kid-free for over a decade and dog-free for three years – ah yes, freedom! Then – wait a minute, what? My husband is talking about getting a dog?!?

‘Let’s just go look at these puppies I saw advertised,’ says he. ‘Dirty pool,’ says I. The person who can say no to a tiny, innocent, adorable puppy has no heart! So we are now owners of a 10 week old English Springer Spaniel and that’s where the patience comes in – with the puppy…and with my husband.

I could explode with ‘I told you so,’ or, ‘This was not my idea,’ at least a dozen times a day. With patience, however, I manage to hold my tongue and only burst out with either of those lines a mere few times a week.

And I’m discovering that I don’t need to nag about watching the puppy every single minute she’s in my husband’s care, because she taught him that lesson all by herself, the time she was taking a nap, so he thought he could take a nap…and woke up to discover that he really must watch her every second she’s in his care – or kennel her.

My husband is not a morning person. I am. Does that mean it is my job to look after this pup in the morning, in lieu of my run – which keeps me sane? A discussion about this (preferably the night before as opposed to 6:45 am, when I’m wanting to bound out the door) is necessary – with calm explanation of expectations, not angry accusing words spoken to a foggy headed and groggy spouse who is not-a-morning-person. (And I thought life would get dull when the children left home!)

So yes, this area in my life needs more than the occasional review, clearly, constant daily attention to it is required. Perhaps we all have areas in our lives where fine-tuning is needed? Just remember, God has a sense of humour, so don’t lose yours, because everything is tolerable, if you can make your spouse laugh.

Catholic coping Stength Trust

The Nature of Things

The heavens are telling the glory of God
And all creation is shouting for joy.
Come dance in the forest, come play in the fields
And sing, sing to the glory of the Lord.

My heart was bursting with this hymn the other morning on my run. The sky was azure blue, birds’ song filled the air, the temperature was such that my fingers were not freezing and it felt to me as if the world could not be more perfect.

If only every day was like that. Then there are those ‘why me, Lord?’ kind of days that go downhill from breakfast, or the morning commute. Life can get pretty hectic, chaotic even. We get tired and grouchy and we just want the world to stop. That’s a natural reaction to a day gone wrong. But that’s exactly the time to turn to others; concentrate on the needs of others. If we would just open our eyes and look around us, we’d see family members, friends, acquaintances struggling with far greater concerns. Some are plagued with money troubles, others marital difficulties and then there are those with life-threatening illnesses – some are facing many of these things all at once. We have all been witness to those who have endured one trial after another and we wonder how they do it. How do they go on, stay sane, maintain their dignity, hold their heads high?

There’s an age-old expression that tells us God never gives us more than he feels we can handle. This is actually believed to be a twisted paraphrasing of 1 Corinthians 10:13. “No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”

Sadly, some can’t endure it. They are struck down and never seem to recover. Then there are those who bounce back, get up on their feet again and again, ever moving forward. They are truly blessed because they know that God will not test them beyond their strength; they trust that their burdens are not unlike others and God will help them through, he will provide them with a way out. They know love. Surely, I could not deal with all they’re going through, we say to ourselves. But we could. We have. We are those people – when we trust in the love that is God…and sing – sing to the glory of the Lord.